Beeron

Steve Myers, head of the accelerator and beam department, said: "There are on the order of 2,000 magnetic circuits in the machine. This means there are 2,000 power supplies which generate the current which flows in the coils of the magnets."

If there was a fault with any of these, he said, it would have stopped the beam. They were also wary of obstacles in the beam pipe which could prevent the protons from completing their first circuit. 

Mr Myers has experience of the latter problem. While working on the LHC's predecessor, a machine called the Large-Electron Positron Collider, engineers found two beer bottles wedged into the beam pipe.

I feel safe knowing the greatest minds on the planet are on hand pulling the empties out of the worlds largest Proton collider.  cheers fellas

Smart people

How the fuck did the keyboardist from D`ream become the UK face of the £5billion Large Hadron collider?

if these are the brains of the world,  how come when you actually look at what their doing it sounds so like monkeys playing with rocks

" hey,  how was the universe made?"

"i dunno............lets bash some things together"

"Woot!"

what are they looking for? the Higgs boson.  

why do they think its there? cus the maths says so.

why havent they found it?

answer 1:

cus its not there.

answer 2:

cus they aint blow up enough shit.

ok over simplification is bad but while i`m here

rocket science

Light the blue touch paper and stand well back. 

Modern medicine

Cut em up.  Sew em together and keep em ocupied while nature fixes em.

The battle of the sexes

Shut up!

People

Goddamit there are so many dumb people.  you know the really dumb opinionate people who had a little bit of a worry about that particle accelerator making a black hole,  or MMR jabs or take their babies to McDonalds

Televisual Advertisment or Audiovisishite?

I`m gonna split this fellah up cus,  oooooh i can feel it...... its the anger.  i`m gonna have to organise this up into several chunks because theres just so much wrong with TV adverts.

i like the principle of TV don`t get me wrong.  Adverts make many great programs possable.  but they lie.  legally tv adverts cant lie,  but they can embellish (embellendish) i the whole "hey look at this muniscule bit of goodness,  i just wont tell you the rest is crap"

All of those food adverts that go 95% fat free. Thats still 5% fat which according to doctor dudes is High fat. 

Sugar is fat free,  but you don`t see any Sugar only diets do ya? so how can it be right that sugar saturated munch bunch or whatever is sold (to mums) for kids as a healthy 1 of your 5 a day.  if anything its just a shitty 1 of your 5 a day.

Unlucky

sorry.  i havent died. end

Fashion

Is this right? is the whole fashion thing a bunch of sexual deviants some place, making random, and totally impractical clothes which they then sell to people for vast amounts of money. What a scam. Look at the fashion at the moment. its all 50`s patterns and 80`s haircuts (did you see the fashion media do the mother of u turns on that wondrous hair invention, the mullet)
did the fashion people have a year off or something?

Berty, darling, ive got this fantastic idea, the boys in research have come up with this fantastic material, it make fat people look thin, can be any colour under the sun, doesn’t need cleaning and can bring you to orgasm 20 seconds quicker than corduroy. it is made from old fridges and odd socks, and it tastes of chicken, but is only half the calories and has omega 3 in it. it’ll revolutionize the world. man will love his fellow man... er? in the good way. No more wars, no famine and everybody will look great.....
ahh balls to it lets just bring back the 80`s


why don`t we try this with other things

are you cool, are you one groovy cat?, well your not the king of the hill until you’ve got.......RICKETS. That’s it, that pig will just breeze past you in that passage you bendy legged supreeemo

don`t get me started on skinny jeans.

I know its just a matter of time before i see some victim with a white line across his face like adam and the ants, and when I do I’m gonna hit him, out of principle. No I’m not I’m gonna do one of those Hawaii 5 0 karate neck chops and then drive a ford cortina over him.

Bunch of arse

Its not freakin rocket science (pt1)

PEOPLE WHO DRIVE IN THE MIDDLE LANE ON THE MOTORWAY

I’ve been doing quite a lot of motorway driving lately. i know the rules that nice mr T(he) Law tells us to follow. but it seems that allot of other people Only have a passing acquaintance as to how its supposed to work, and FUCK IT UP FOR EVERYBODY ELSE!
instead of driving on the left, and using the middle and right lanes for overtaking it becomes

left hand side. trucks, caravans and old people.

middle lane people who want to overtake the above and twats.

right lane....... me.

i do not have a penis car.
(it is my firm conviction that the size or power of a guys car is inversely proportional to the size of his wife’s best friend. I drive a micra. i am not gay. and i don’t piss into a bag.)

i drive a micra. I’m not proud of it, but it get me from A(here) to B (someplace else)
I have to thrape 7 shades out of it in the fast lane because even though the left hand lane is empty (apart from the lorry 6 miles away) there’s some mystery of evolution trundling along in the middle lane, doing 65. their either:

some guy with white hair and maybe driving gloves, probably in a merc or jag

a youngish woman, with 10 to 2 hands, in a 206

some twat with a "baby on board" thing in the back window (or twat tag as i call em)

its against the law to "undertake" on the left so what do people do? they drive right up to them in the left lane. hover just behind them, to make a point (even though anybody thinking this ticktack through would know that they cant actually see you there...duh!)
and then make a grand sweep over to the right lane, tutting and grumbling. floor it past them. Then cut in front of them as close as possible, as they lunge back into the left lane. you may say this is the only recourse we bastions of the motorway have. Well hold on, these people are evidently quite mentally deficient, the last thing we need to do is swerve around in front of them. they may panic and crash and burn. You may say this would be a blessing, but after sitting for 3 hours in a jam because some moron cant drive in a strait line i think there is a better way. nothing amazing, just follow them, find out where they live, and when they get out the car, hit them with a spade. I’m not condoning murder but...... actually i am.
Perform the service, lighten the world, one moron at a time.

Whatever you may be sure of, be sure of this, that you are dreadfully like other people.

James Russell Lowell
US diplomat, essayist, & poet (1819 - 1891)